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is just as important as the academics and ensuring the success of our students not only in school but at home and their Dental careers that being said the next four years do a deep dive into a crepe one called characters drawing which addressing social emotional learning and character development of self-awareness self-management social awareness patience kindness honesty respect and more incredibly excited about our Direction District social emotional learning and thank you for being with us tonight and we hope that you will find the conversation for you to incorporate it into your daily lives before we begin our topic I'd like to quickly boss artwork President and Vice President both incredible advocates for student and community so that is Christina Lucero I just want to thank all of you for spending this time with us I know it's important for you to understand what we as a district want for all of you for your children but most of all participating with us it is the best thing we can do for each other again our students are going to see what we do and they're going to copy it so I thank you for being a part of it I thank you to Houston Kraft for being here and for everybody that that is looking out for each other I appreciate it and with that I'd like to introduce Betsy Latta vice president of the Board of Education Miss Mulatto evening everyone and so I'm not going to repeat what Dr Mendoza's San Jose Airport because I agree wholeheartedly with everything they said I'm just very appreciative that aside from bringing this to our students that we're sharing with their parents you know a lot of the our parents make up our community and so on so I could this impact is trickling down in a positive way and I'm just eager to learn because I think the word kindness kindness is so loaded in the sense of the dep that it can carry so I I want to learn you know I want to learn because I also grow and become a better person and I want to thank dr. Mendoza cabinet and of course you are Houston Kraft you and I'm ready and eager to learn so I appreciate this and I'm glad that a lot of you have joined us thank you let's try that again so thank you everybody for joining us this evening. My name is Doctor Richard Noble I'm one of the director student achievements and I'm here just hosting the event many of you may have heard from your children that you that they visit from Houston Kraft digiplate at the last week or this week we actually had all of our students spend an hour with Houston last this week and all of our secondary staff and then I always Houston I the last week or this week and now it's your turn so Houston Kraft is the co-founder of character strong which is the one we are using on Wednesdays at all of our second verse is also the author of a brand new book called kindness was just came out about a month ago and he is feeds here today to talk to his about what we can do to support each other and be kinder he has probably kindest person I've ever met he is incredibly gifted at what he does and I'm really excited that you get to hear him speak to that so without further Ado let's give a woman Baldwin Park welcome with finger snaps with Sprint there's always class to mr. Houston Press everyone I do love seeing all those stairs hangers and claps thank you Richard thank you all this whole crew for making the and oh my gosh I I just feel emotional and excited looking at all the parents and families and aunts and uncles and grandparents and siblings who are here showing up tonight to support your kids what a gift makes me look up my mom and my life will on Sarah bit more with you but Christina is Missing Sarah said something that brought up a story that I was going to start with but it feels like it makes sense for our current time the little mini terrible about a mom brought her her son to this wise Elder this Guru and said can you please tell my son to stop eating sugar and the guru says you're going to have to come back in 2 weeks cuz I can't you just tell my son now it's not good for him stop eating sugar the guru says you have to come back in two weeks so the woman makes the track brings her son back travels a long way to get there once again she said will you tell my son to stop eating sugar eating sugar cuz why couldn't you tell me that 2 weeks ago and the man says because two weeks ago I was still eating sugar I feel like to Kristina's point we as the adults in this world get role model the sort of change and compassion that we hope to see in our young people and the work that I get to do is school's I continue to realize but that is the hardest work of all adult Behavior change is the key to young people Behavior change changing ourselves is typically the messiest kind of work I think we have an interesting Gap and I'll start here because I love words I've always loved words even as a little kid I wanted to learn how to spell the biggest words I could that's a grown up I realized why I like words so much I think sometimes we take for granted the role that words play in literally how we experience everything in the world word shape how we process and feel emotion it shapes how we experience a given space physically or emotionally words play a huge role in our life and I think kindness is one of those really interesting words that we use a lot and then don't always spend a lot of time unpacking what does it actually mean really cool and unique opportunity to travel to 600 schools all over the country and one of the things that I seen most consistently is that schools believe in kindness schools have not closed or mission statements that say we're supposed to be and I realize for myself but just because we believe in something doesn't always make us very good assets just because we care deeply about something doesn't always make us skilled at that thing it's kind of interesting. having our culture between skills and values with skills we would never say just because I fix the bike on my chain that I am an engineer but sometimes will do one big Act of service do a community service event or even just do something kind for our family and we'll say that were a kind person what I want to spend a little time on talking tonight is that much like any other skill in our life kindness requires ongoing consistent kindness ongoing consistent practice in order to become the things that we say we want to be about in our life I think that kindness is one of these interesting words that we all say is important and yet as I look around and maybe you do too like we're frustratingly bad at it why is that what's that gap between what we believe in and what we're actually good at well I think part of it is the language the way we speak about this thing you know I think we have the side Yeah in our brain let me some ways is shaped by education and the post that we see on social media that kindness is free I talked with the goats all the time thinking with a lament for they feel frustrated with the state of the world and they say why are people more kind of each other it's easy it's free why would you not do this thing and I want to fight back and say I don't think kindness is free in fact I think the kind of kindness the world needs right now cost us something going to cost of time energy effort and cost of comfort with ego and pride in a Costas listening empathy to better connect and show up for each other during a time where the world is more devices anxious and fearful than ever it makes that work twice as important so I'm going to share my screen and as I share my screen I'm going to do my best to make sure that anything that is on the screen I speak out loud the title here can help as late as we go what you're looking at here is a little menu of options a menu of options that I want to use to think through and talk about tonight as my goal more than anything is to give you some really practical and you can your family and you move yourself to create a More Time Life Community and hopefully a little bit more of a compassionate world so I told you earlier I was going to tell you but let's try it out this is my mom my mom her name is Lisa she's one of my personal kindness Heroes I'm an only child and I made it so far we figured it out and my mom at least about four years ago I was on my way to go speak at a school you woken up early that morning to get ready and I got a phone call on usually early in the morning from my aunt my Aunt Laura said Houston you know we just finished up a teen colonoscopy that my mom apparently had been putting off for over a year because she didn't have time and they found stage 4 colon cancer apotheosis with a quick urgent PSA on behalf of my mom putting anything like that off for any reason please get your butt checked the fast forward to the end of the story and spoiled the good friendly four years cancer-free I just spoke to her yesterday she spending time with son my step sister down in North Carolina are the roads for my mom to become cancer-free was not simple 4 easy in fact my mom went through 11 rounds of chemotherapy she have a colon resection and in June of 2016 she had 70% of her liver removed at Mass general this is her right after the surgery she's trying to dab but she's on a lot of drugs so she's doing it wrong she's been seven days in this hospital bed enough to get to be there for all seven of them what time is my mom I got a chance to meet a lot of the people coming in and out of that room there was all kinds of people showing up in that space and you know what's interesting four years later now I only remember one of them 4 years later the old person I remember from that entire experience is this woman right here her name is wonderful wonderful is not her given name what's the name she chooses to go by I asked her why wonderful she said so many people told me I was wonderful decided to call myself a house like that is awesome that's a power moonroof also a good self reflection question what would I call myself based on what other people called me hopefully something like wonderful interform wonderful was wonderful at her work in fact one of my favorite memories of it otherwise scary time is my mom and wonderful walking down the halls of Mass General singing to the sound how far am I my mom took twice as many steps as she had on any day before I got me thinking what is it about wonderful that makes her so memorable what made her different from all the other nurses that as I thought about it more they all have the same set of responsibilities in fact all of them are supposed to administer medication report back to the doctor manage IV lines fruit to me that it's entirely possible to do everything that were responsible for and still not be wonderful at work I realize entirely possible to get everything done on our to-do list and still maybe not have fulfilled that who we want to be list and wonderful as competent at her work she got her job done but alongside it in fact with just as much priority just as much passion she made sure that she made time to come in singing to give hugs to comfort to learn names and it Shone through a network and it Shone through in the fact my mom has gone back to visit in the time since I think about that distinction for me between my to do list in my to be list do this right now and your world but I think our world currently culture code. Access to be busy all the time I think we probably all have very long to do list and I think there's something about our world that makes us feel like we're supposed to be busy all the time when were busy with your valuable or important or worthwhile that our definition of success is how productive we are someone constantly start to get things done and maybe you're like me sometimes I'll write down something I've already done just for the sad action of checking it off but I don't know about you for me personally when I get busy when I get overwhelmed when I get buried in my to-do list those to be list items fall to the bottom I think we all were to be present with our family grateful in our day today World kind to ourselves and the people around us in our community and Beyond but to be a thing requires energy and effort end time when I'm busy it typically bottom of that list I really great article a few years ago called are you as busy as you think ask me to change the way I thought about time I was not allowed to say to myself I don't have time for this I wasn't allowed to say that to the people that I care about what if I had to say it like this it's not my priority to have this conversation right now I already be here what you're going to practice kindness I have too much to do for me that changed my frame the way that I looked at it practical offer first practical strategy tonight would be to create what's a b-list I have one right here maybe you have a house that goes on and on and on and it feels never ending and what is above it everyday you just wrote a one item to be like in fact we do this at characterstrong organizationally we have a channel where we communicate with each other and every single day we write down our work goals I wanted to show you this because this was from today at the top of my to-do list I have my to be today I wanted to be celebratory felt like I was living negative yesterday so I wanted to find three opportunities to celebrate people for progress or ideas and 11 by 3 today I want to celebrate you for the enthusiasm you brought to the morning earlier the kindness that you gay me and the willingness to show up all of these pieces I feel like you're so invest and I want to celebrate that for you today I got to knock out right now Christina thank you for your leadership your kind of I could tell in the compliment you gave me how you meant it and how much you believe in the role that you play inside out look at this man go he's just crushing it in the background with the city of fun exercise and self-love I am powerful I am stop. I'm qualified I am purposeful I work out it looks like last night to be list and I want to put it in just as much attention on that in my life as I do all these other things done now he's the other stuff I had to get done today tonight at a meeting to talk about building or advisory election materials that were putting out for our schools at a meeting with my publisher Simon Schuster at an Instagram live I had lots of things going on today but just as important as all that we have to get done is who we want to become and we haven't found ability Partners my accountability partner name is Julia and we checking on each other a couple to make sure that we're just as on track with our work goals as we are with the who we want to be goals let's take it back to the list second practical strategy and we'll see how many of these we can tip is called the question that's not getting asked it comes from my friend Keith Keith Hawkins is an amazing speaker but I've seen speak and work with all kinds of students and families all over the country by some speak one time to a room full of student leaders here in California couple thousands the same room he asked this really powerful how many of you in the past month having a family member at the end of the day I asked you the question what did you do for others today not how was your day what did you learn today not how did the test go or what have you done for others today you know this is really interesting study that came comes out of Harvard a the same called them making caring common project I love that name and what they did was they asked families to rent what they would rather their kids be high-performing happy or Kai 80 something send a family so they'd rather their kids be happy or kind over high-performing then ask the kids of the same families hate what is it you think your parents want you to be a high-performing happy or kind in the data was the exact opposite kids said that they believe that their families are parents or Guardians would rather they get good grades than be good people a practical tip whether it's around the breakfast table or the dinner time anytime you get a chance to gather or even check in when you're giving student your kid a ride somewhere instead of the usual what did you learn today or how was your day which unintentionally is what is it about you that you learned or what was your win today what if besides X instead of that question or on top of that question we asked the question is not getting us what have you done for others today what we measure with our young people consciously or unconsciously play shapes what they dedicate their time too and if we can make one of our metrics of success about compassion connection and kindness we have to do that in our language on a day-to-day basis here is another Prodigy something to actually the district Baldwin Park has access to as a part of their work with character strong we have these things called character dares and one of the things I want you to ask your kids about is if they're doing the dance so every less we do some community building we teach some strategies and some skills and every lesson ends with this practical way to put values into action right our goal is never to tell kids this is what you're supposed to care about weed there's a bunch of things a bunch of things that we know are healthy ways to interact with our self in the world are the practical way to challenge yourself to do it today or this week doesn't mean that they have to do it we just know that kids are going to be more likely to workout muscles if we give them workouts to do so the same thing goes for us as parents as families even as Educators we need reminders as to what this looks like a thoughtful all connected caring adults things called family character dares this is a resource that lives within the curriculum that can get send out via email or newsletter or on social media so be on the lookout for some reason I'll make sure that you get these is a follow-up resource from tonight this first one as an example is called family bucket list I've seen this be most successful in school districts where every week families are given opportunities to practice stuff like this so that you'll be on a weekly basis you're just giving an idea a simple Prodigy to see if you can put into action to build Connection in your family this on family Bucket List It says sit together as a family and see if you can brainstorm a list of 25 things you want to do together this year A Creative in Calabria make sure the items were totally doable in a day to something that might seem silly or impossible just the process of brainstorming a family bucket list is a cool find meaningful exercise even if you don't do it as formerly is this could be a cool conversation with your kids stop the only fair we offer fact we have a whole Year's worth of the stuff you're the one called Love Languages ask each family how they prefer to receive kindness and love from others in the family if you don't know his work dr. Gary Chapman wrote this amazing book called The Five Love Languages and the whole premise is that you and I we speak different languages when it comes to kindness for you you might really appreciate when someone says I'm with you and just spend quality time for me when someone gives me a hug and hold on and lingers some people here are like do not linger with a hug with me that is not what I want and isn't it interesting that sometimes in an effort to give you something that I feel like would help me I'm actually giving you something that you don't want to clarify what kind of looks like to give and receive in your is a really healthy and meaningful conversation I'll give you two more examples just so you can see what these look like this one's called hour by hour play the family date night or day together have each member of the family take ownership over 30 minutes to one hour of that each person gets to own their portion and then you can all work together to figure out how to put all those pieces into an agenda so you're delegating the responsibility but you make a day that's going to be a family day and you get to have each person gets to decide what happens where which is Maybe does Love Languages start to come in maybe someone's like I'm going to hang out with you we're going to watch TV and someone else has to be like I just want to hold hands and talk about our feelings and you got to show up for both of those cuz that's what family last but certainly at least this one's called help me help me I love this idea I think all of us have a hard time asking for help so this is have everyone write down a list of three to five things that they would appreciate if someone help them with said to them or shared with them and then actually put it up in a public place like a fridge and see if each week everyone can get at least one thing checked off the list it sometimes if we don't ask for help we never get the help that we need and sometimes when we don't ask for it out loud and we don't get it we end up being resentful of something we never communicated in the first place asking for all we need is one of the best ways that we can feel loved ourselves because it's dr. brene Brown says clear is kind unclear is unkind and more clear we can get on how to support each other the more we can show up in kindness with each other a little more insight into these this is actually one of my person favorite stories from a hat have your family write down words or ideas on slips of paper and put them into a hat or a jar find a night this week to have Story Time as a family I have each member pull out a topic and use it to prompt a store sometimes when you promised remind us a moment's long-forgotten are unshared use this weekly rice a simple way to connect and talk story that's a Hawaiian term for my mentor Tyler talk story I love that idea of making space and time to share connecting my way and to come to Disney prompts maybe just write the word lollipop and you write down the word cheeseburger maybe you're right down the word baseball whatever those words are you can pulling out and use it as an opportunity to can and Cher let's go back to the menu of goodness here favorite ideas because I believe that halfway towards more kindness in our life and in the world is to be more emotionally of how we're feeling in any given moment so let's take a look at what I called the emotional placemat I said this earlier was staff and I think it holds true something we can do with our families the idea here is the better I get an understanding how how I'm feeling on a given moment the more readily I can communicate what I need in that moment or the better I'll be able to be understood by the people around me who want to care the prep the practical way to implement this you could print this out and make it a placemat that you have on maybe you put it up on the fridge and each morning people check off for the word that they're feeling on any given day to give you the full menu we have this also in Spanish so you can see what some of those words are whole idea is that most people when they're asked how I my feeling they fall into one of four big categories mad sad sad or afraid for afraid those are the four basic human emotions but underneath each one of those is a whole lot of like fine-tuning at the difference between the difference between discouraged is going to be really different and how I feel when I'm hopeless feeling irritated is actually different than feeling jealous difference between disappointment and anger those two things are really different and if I don't understand the difference I don't have that emotional pulse on myself it's really hard to understand that or see that in others how do we help young people expand their emotional vocabulary will you put the words in front of them to make sure that they have goodies to begin to think about it themselves and how cool would it be if once a week you made time as a family to check in on the emotional state ever won a big elaborate thing sometimes just a matter of literally putting a tally or a mark on the fridge and now you as a family gets to see cool or 3 weeks in a row and my kid has been feeling anxious something in terms of how I can begin to see sometimes it's easier for them to market then it is for them to communicate it to you verbally let's get into the good stuff we're going into the second column here let's talk about normalizing beer one of the things that I often is what gets in the way of kindness we know we know that kindness is a thing that we want to practice and yet as we look around these gaps so for me in my own self-reflection I realized that one of the biggest barriers for kindness for me is when I'm scared to do it and sometimes those fears are really obvious for me sometimes are totally conscious sometimes those fears are more in the background and yet they'll still effect for ground I called these lies lies because I think that they are things that our world has told us that aren't necessary true that we've come to believe in ways that shape our life the average person is exposed to 30 GB of information a day work supposed to over 100,000 words we spend over 6 hours looking at screens that's a lot of data coming into our brains and you know what our brains have not involved fast enough to filter or sift through all that found information so naturally you for not paying careful close attention to everything that comes towards us some of that information that comes inside of us is going to untrue unhelpful and yet we don't always have the time to think about it and so we just get this information coming all the time and we begin to believe things even if they're not necessarily capital T true having spoken to a lot of students about this idea having spoken to a lot of adults about this idea I really believe that probably all of us in this room and certainly all of your children live with one or more of these big lights in their life the first one sounds like this if I don't meet expectations set by myself or others in my world I'm not enough how you can fill in that blank before enough of lots of things I'm not good enough not smart enough not pretty enough I'm a capable enough I'm not athletic enough I'm not cool enough whatever that blank before enough is all of us have our own blank to fill in there a big lie number one is it a fight meet these expectations set by the people around me I don't feel like I'm enough these are the achievement people the people whose world is oriented around making sure that I win that I'm successful and everything is about being a performance addict I said this earlier to the students but I literally had to give this tattooed on my arm it says b is greater than do which is a reminder to myself that I'm a human being not a human that my worth is not about how much I get done my worth is more inherent than that and yet there are live with this lie who are driven every single day by the need to achieve the second life and I hear a lot is I need people to approve of me except me or like me in order to feel like I'm enough this is the people pleaser category this is one that I have fallen into a lot in my life but I will change who I am in different situations in order to fit in in those situations that I'll act or talk one way over here in a totally different way over here you see this with your kids with your students who act one way with one group and a totally different way with another group or driven by this lie that they feel like they need to be accepted so much that they're willing to sacrifice who they are or the Integrity of who simply to fit in Big Y number three failure those who fail including me are Unworthy of love and deserve to be punished this narrative that I cannot fail set to fail at one thing makes me a failure overall that I cannot be rejected that my worthiness is dependent upon My Success and I know a lot of students were so terrified of the idea of failure if they often times won't even try something even for the first time because they fear and that's fear of failing to Benson from trying at all number for I am who I am my flaws Define me I cannot change my biggest fear is that I'm hopeless these are the people who believe that a mistake defines them but not only did they do a bad thing but they are a bad person that who they are today is going to be the person that they always are in the future and if they can't overcome mistakes that they made along the way here's my encouragement to you I know that I can I'm really the only one I can see into the chat right now but if you'd be willing to type it out you can just put one two three or four which one of the four big lies do you feel like you have lived with the most throughout your life in the chat 1 2 3 or 4 which one do you think is affected you most over the course of your life 2221 1 33421 to 41121 I hope you begin to Sylvester immune to this in fact my suggestion is that none of us over the course of our life will ever conquer all of these entirely it'll be a constant ongoing Battle of self-reflection and courage in order to confront these things and continue to me improvements I don't think we ever fully conquer these things courage is an ongoing Pursuit it's that wrestling with the things that scare us constantly pulling them out of the dark into the light to say hey what are these and how do they impact my way of being perhaps you CD sings impacting your kids am I in couragement right now is to understand that oftentimes it is these fears that prevent them from compassionate life that all of us I believe want for her weather and here's what happened when we are afraid of these things at least in my experience for me personally sometimes when I'm living in this lie I feel like I'm the only one lies are dangerous because they are lonely what are the best things we can do is to normalize conversations around these fears the talk about why I'm afraid right now of failing in the context of golden wings that mistakes and I have made that sometimes I continue to go back to her that haunt me the way I act different around different groups of people or sometimes I made to feel small around this person or that person how much of my life is driven by the need to achieve or where I learned that from those sorts of conversations are critical for this generation to overcome even just a little bit some of the fears that control their life what I've learned in working kids across 600 schools is that private fear creates isolation loneliness and shame the public sphere openly family creates a  ability and connection doesn't mean the fears go away it just means we don't have to feel so lonely in them anymore and what we know especially for young people is that loneliness is one of the most challenging things that they'll have to navigate feeling of social isolation or a feeling of a lack of social connectedness is one of us they can navigate because they can't see beyond the moment right now they don't have the experience that you realize that fear in their bigger lights to red nice if this loneliness is just going to be a chapter in a much longer book what are the best things you can do on the most kind things you can do for your kids it's a normal I sharing of these fears publicly to make them okay number 6 car lineup tonight showcase self-care I had a chance to work with over 39 people when I launched my deep kindness I have 39 conversations for 20 minutes each over the course of 13 and a half hours and I talked to him about how their world or their work related to kindness some of them work in politics some of them worked in education some of them work as well miss them I'm worked in Neuroscience people from all different backgrounds and conversations my guess is probably 35 of them talked about self care about how all of them they needed to work on taking better care of themselves this quote here is from Seneca famous stoic he says no person hand out their money to a pack how many do each of us hand out our lives or tight-fisted with property and money yet think too little of wasting time the one thing about which we should be the toughest misers the most possessive over should be our time and where we put it you know only six and a half percent of people over the age of 25 focus on health-related self care we have a tough time taking care of and here's why I know it's important practice of kindness dr. Michele borba wrote this amazing book called unselfie helping our kids become more empathetic she's thirty years of her life learning about in researching empathy what you discovered the biggest the biggest barriers the biggest barriers to combat the biggest barriers to empathy anxiety fear and narcissism she says it's anxiety goes up and Percy goes down which makes total sense the more worried I am about what's going on in my world the harder time I have thinking about what's going on in yours you might see this with yourself you might see this with your kids that is anxiety increases which is a lot of things going on in the world which will naturally increase our anxiety right now kindness and connection becomes that much harder because anxiety is self consuming it is a cell oriented feeling I have a really hard time with self-care because like it's selfish and that's what a lot of people feel but the reality is the best way to take care of others if you see the yourself and the only Pathway to that is to reduce the anxiety in our life by taking care of ourselves so what does that look like well for me that looks like protecting time this is a screenshot from my calendar I'm here in the blue you'll notice today at 8 I have this little piece here that says reflect and connect here it is with my Baldwin Park Keno and you can see that throughout my day I have all these other blue box but I've built into my calendar in the same way that I have it to be list I protected time in my calendar for self-care probably won't be your routine but my routine in the morning it's a wake-up I told him his headphones I go outside and look at the sun sometimes it's been freezing in Los Angeles and I dance dance is a former self care to me because it's creative if expressive allows me to stretch and move my boss gratitude for my body and allows me to listen to music which is my favorite thing your self-care could look totally different and to be honest I don't know he's take these 30 minutes but they're protected so that no one else can book them sometimes it's just 5 minutes X is 10 or 15 that's on my calendar in order to Showcase self care for myself why because I want the same thing from my kids I want a role model what it looks like to take care of my time and my self in order to reduce my anxiety and better connect with others where is the number one pathway toward effective other care we got two more for you in this short amount of time the first one is keep a journal and by the way I'll make sure that you get all of these resources I'll send these to dr. noblet in the crew so that you can unpack these and use these as is good for you beginning a quarantine I knew that we're going to be navigating higher levels anxiety I knew that one practical thing that we could do is put a focus on gratitude gratitude is a natural anxiety reducer about how do we come by and gratitude with this thing that I'm passionate about kindness the kindness Journal it's 30 days with one action per day dedicated towards one person in our life and the idea is it supposed to take 10 minutes or less I caught a 30 by 30 days one person 10 minutes or less I built it very intentionally to make sure that it requires no physical contact you can maintain physical distances. It intentionally to make sure it requires no money it is free except for your time your comfort your energy here are a couple examples of some of my favorite kindness Journal challenges the first one it's actually day one you can see hear the person who is it going to is yourself why we just talked about how self care is important the challenge write out one thing you love about your past self one thing you love about your present self and one thing you love about your future self it somewhere you'll see daily I do this exercise with my roommates we spent about 10 minutes writing out our past present future self and I have it in my room something I refer to Austin Not only was it a cool practice to think about who I am yesterday who I am today and who I want to be in the future but it became a really cool conversation with my roommates maybe it's cool conversation among family what's another challenge this is day five you can see here who's it going towards what's going towards family people in our family 10 minutes or less write a short loving note to one family member and hide it in a place that might be hard for them to discover text them throughout the day with mysterious hints to my roommate who I love very dearly and I how do I get a guitar case outside the house and throughout the day I sent him the most obscure weird riddles and clues and by the end of the day he was poking their out where is this and finally when he found it the celebration was epic I got to come home to him opening the letter and he was crying he was so excited how do you take something small and even seemingly mundane and make it magic take a note you were already going to write and make it meaningful showcase one more for you this Wednesday 11 it's going to a friend here's a fun one because music is one of my love language is it is to cry playlist with the top five songs that remind you of your friendship and then commit to hanging out with your best friend in person or online listening to each track and Reminiscing on the good times so maybe as a part of your Hangout weather in Sanford zoo or maybe you're able to see them physically distance kind of way may be part of that hang out it's just putting on this playlist and talking about the memories you have associated with each song I know we all have music in our life that reminds us of a moment or the friend and how cool would that be how many would that be if you were the one that put that together to share with them a cool way a meaningful way to connect the journal by the way is it deep kindness Journal. like I said I'll make sure nobody gets all these so we can pass them along to you and you can use this with your family you can use it for your students with your kids your friends however you want to put it into action we saw some really beautiful things happen as a result of it last but certainly not least buy postcards I read this book called The Power of Habit by Charles duhigg in the book he's a pretty stunning stats that 45% of our day is habit that 45% of our day is routine this is actually a stat I shared with students I posted the Middle School in junior high and high school assemblies and I talked about the my brain in NY that's true it makes sense when you really start to think about it every time you and I make a conscious Choice it cost less energy so less choices we have to make in a day the more we can conserve our in so our brain really naturally looks for things to automate it looks for things to create habits and routines to our daily choices that datapoint is scary to me because if 45% of my why is habit when you think about that overtime you realize that like half of your life is kind of on autopilot all the sudden have it seemed like a really big deal I think to myself is 45% of my day is routine what percent am I 45% have I designed to be kind have I chosen to make 1% of my day which means my week which means my life I'll give you a simple example my mom every single day kindergarten through 12th grade wrote me a Post-It note in my lunch you can almost always expect hoagie sandwich bag of chips one of those sparkly Waters from Costco the Post-it note the word of the day quote of the day something in between perhaps just a note reminding me why she cared about me only child remember I turned out okay I think I tell you that to tell you this each day the exercise of writing that little postcard that little Post-It note it only took her two to three minutes brother course of kindergarten 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th all the way through 12th grade those two or three minutes added up and as I think back I realize it's perhaps the biggest actor biggest act of kindness I've ever received in my life Chipotle doesn't always have to be a massive thing it doesn't always have to be a trip to Disney doesn't always have to be a shopping spree process simple as a daily consistent note in a lunch box consistency over time is what makes that 1% real and 1% time is always going to be more meaningful than the one off of them comedic kindness is about attention allocation that our willingness to put discipline behind our practice my friend Dexter Davis says we're not human beings or human becoming will Durant we are what we repeatedly do Excellence is not an act but I have it headed out and make his kindness is not an act it is a habit Absol ex like writing something simple as a I don't know if these menu items make sense to you I hope at least one of them is something you can put into practice in your family to make kindness a little bit more common a little bit more normal and you. 61 of them for me got to be wonderful thanks for hanging out tonight this is been awesome Richard and the whole crew thank you for inviting me to crushing it just biceps look good and I'm sure your words are even sweeter thanks for a magic evening thank you Houston that was perfect we appreciate you and my shoes from said all of these resources will be put up on a disc websites early next week to give it a couple of days to get that up there they'll be under the parent Resource page which is in the top right-hand corner of the website www.bpusd.net. Com and no. Net stop Netflix and please feel free to use those resources this is not a one-time thing this is something you can do with your family on an ongoing basis we would love for you to do that your children will continue you to work with the character from curriculum and get deeper into deep kindness through the course of the next few months in you this with them in person again thank you for your evening it is 7 for the meeting is officially over we appreciate your time if you have a question that you would like to ask feel free to type it in the sky 4 minutes for that I'm going to pass it back to Doctor Mendoza to close out the main presentation so that's Mendoza floor is yours incredible thank you Stan and thank you for coming over. Park to share your knowledge and really good tips I I found myself taking notes so if you saw me like looking to the side I was actually typing away and so I'm learning myself I don't even be kind of myself but also to be kind of everyone else same time so we truly do appreciate you coming over and this is incredible and we want them to continue our Direction here in Baldwin Park to make sure that we incorporate what we've learned tonight I'm not only with our students but again with our staff and our parents so thank you so much and I miss Lucero Miss lotta no thank you all to the parents for continuing to be out there and persevering and in light of what's happening in the world today so thanks so much ladies and gentlemen welcome to release yourself or leave the meeting and by pressing the red button again thank you for being here Halloween safe weekend

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